The Vindication of God

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
Psalm 13:1-4

If vengeance belongs to the Lord, then vindication is the Aldi, off-brand version that we slip into the cart for its vengeance-adjacent flavors. Vindication sounds like this:

“How long O, Lord until I get fit, shapely, and tweezed so that my ex sees me happy and thriving?”
“How long, O Lord, until you show my project teammates that my concerns were prescient and valid?”
“How long, O Lord, until you raise me above my detractors?”
“How long, O Lord, until people see that I was right?”
Or, colloquially: “How long until my heart silently hums: ‘In your face?!’”
Succinctly: “I want to be right.” Rightness is the weird, Aldi off-brand version of real righteousness.

I don’t know too many people who would admit that those thoughts exist. That’s why David is such a good read; he says the quiet parts out loud—even when the parts have an icky coat of pained self-absorption and convinced arrogance.

The arc of many Psalms is much like Psalm 13. David is allowed to expel the crazy emotive array of his heart, while army crawling through sawgrass to finally arrive to the heart of God. It reminds me of the bare-knuckle fighter, Melanie Shah, and her infamous post-fight interview (this is googleable). She has just suffered a bad beating and visibly taken gruesome facial damage, while speaking confidently in the microphone about her love of martial sports: “Even if I don’t look like it, I enjoyed the whole process.”

What takes a beating in Psalm 13? Our right-ness. Not our righteousness, but our off-brand version of vengeance: vindication. But let me tell you: vindication must die before you can enjoy the God of your righteousness.

Life will get you turning to the Scriptures (or anything else that promises you something). I’ve seen this hundreds of times. When the difficulties of life cannot be steered the way you want them controlled, people will, at least, consider giving Olde-Tyme religion a shot.

Perhaps, you could find sections that uphold your stance, your opinion, your position on things. Maybe the Good Book would confirm how right you are. Such is the appeal of Part A of most Davidic Psalms. You’ve found a friend who is thinking just as crazy as you are. But those Part Bs are sawgrass to rightness.

In pain, we often go to the Scriptures so that God might see fit to vindicate our rightness. But if you decide to wrestle, army-crawl, and enroll in Melanie Shah’s Psalmic process, you soon realize that your life will be a vindication of God’s rightness.

In Part B of Psalm 13 (vss.5-6), David’s personal vindication dreams get shredded to the point of disappearance.  And that’s a good thing. He comes to the point where being right simply doesn’t matter anymore.

The resulting prayer(s), spoken confidently into the microphone, may sound like this:

Father, your non-stop kindness is my only hope. It is the only hope for everything else, too. My hope is not in ensuring that my self-care is filled with carefully rationed comforts and pleasures. My hope is not in esteem or compliments of those around me. My hope is not in respect or tenderness of those around me. My hope is not in the assessments of peers or distant critics. Your un-conditioned love is my hope. I do not audition for it. I do not have to beg for it. Your love is not an award for a solid quarter of satisfactory numbers. I’m trusting in that kind of love to be over and in my life. I’m counting on You being right. About everything. My rightness is irrelevant.

You love; I trust. You save; I rejoice.

If you have dealt bountifully with me, then I am counting on you to deal bountifully with those against me. Why would I want You to change Your very character and treat them any differently?  Stop my endless arguments with self and my imagined arguments with others. Do not vindicate me, O Lord! I am not the rightness. Vindicate Yourself and Your ways. How long until that happens?!! Vindicate Yourself and show that You rescue, save, redeem, repair. Make sure all other displays of rightness get shredded. Show Yourself as the One who accomplishes Your own plans, not mine. How long until we all see that Your right ways of generosity, kindness, mercy, and grace are more powerful and transformative than punishment, incrimination, and condemnation? Vindicate Your non-stop, unending, ceaseless love. And, Father, truly—even if I don’t look like it, I (sorta) enjoyed the whole process. Amen.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Psalm 13:5-6